What is Marriage Counselling?<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = \"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office\" />

Marriage counselling is where a couple meets with a mental health professional to solve marital conflict. Marriage counseling is also called couple’s therapy. It helps couples understand and resolve conflicts improving their relationship. Marriage counseling gives couples the tools to communicate better. It helps them to negotiate differences solving problems.

Who is a Marriage Counsellor?

Usually the marriage counsellor is a behavioural psychologist. The counsellor aims to understand the marital problems. He/ she uses various behavioural therapies in this process. It is the aim of the counsellor to get the couple talking. Appropriate communication means forms the gist of marital counselling.

Licensed therapists can also provide marriage counselling. These therapists are known as marriage and family therapists. Usually marriage counseling is often short-term. Couples seek counselling to solve a particular issue. Once the problem is solved, marital counselling comes to a natural end.

Aims of Counselling: Couples seek counselling if they feel that their marriage has a survival chance. Marital couples go for counselling to get extra support to sort out a tough problem. Counselling helps to clear the hazy air in a marital relationship. It helps the couple to communicate. Counsellors aim to get a marital relationship back on track. Usually, marriage counselors work in private practice. They may also work in clinics, mental health centres, hospitals and government agencies. In short, marriage counsellors hope to achieve:

·          Better communication skills between  the spouses

·          Better listening and problem solving skills

·          A healthy and satisfying emotional and sexual relationship

·          Regain and maintain higher levels of trust

·          To try and find common healing solutions to emotional baggage of hurt, betrayal, pain and guilt. Sometimes a couple drifts apart due to reasons of infidelity, midlife crisis, alcoholism or substance abuse. Marriage counsellors have to work towards acceptance and forgiveness of these problems by the spouses. The spouses have to heal to mend the relationship.

·          To discover the importance and level of priority accorded to the relationship by each spouse. This guides the course of counselling i.e. the motivation and timeframe.

Refusal: Some couples refuse to seek counselling. Marriage counselling is a sure way of telling everyone that you have been a failure. Social psychologists argue that this is contrary to the attitude of people in modern society. People today want to be achievers in whatever field they delve into. This also includes marriage. Marriage counselling is a way of declaring your inability to deal with marital issues.

It requires tremendous courage to own up to your mistakes. Usually couples feel embarrassed to talk in front of a stranger. They adopt a tight-lipped stance. Sometimes, a couple goes through counselling process for family pressure. The couple wants to get divorced. But relations and friends force them into counselling to save the marriage. Marriage counselling in such cases is unsuccessful.

Finding a Marriage Counsellor:

·          Always restrict your search to a licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFTs). The marriage counsellor has to be a licensed mental health professional.

·          The yellow pages are usually one of the most common places to discover where to find marriage counsellors. Another source could by your physician or minister.

·          Reliable sources of referral are people who have already consulted a counselor. It is always advisable to go to a counsellor who has been successful. In other words, couples should engage the services of a marital counsellor who is known and successful.

Marital counselling can only be successful if both spouses are equally involved. The first step is to call each marriage-counselling clinic. It is advisable to speak directly to the counsellor. Always insist on direct communication with the counsellor. As a second step, one should seek a preliminary interview appointment. The preliminary interview is basically a fact-finding session. It is free of any cost.

Questions to ask:

·          Are you a clinical member of the AAMFT or licensed by the state, or both?

·          How many years have you been a counsellor i.e. experience?

·          What are your credentials i.e. academic degrees?

·          Do you help your clients avoid some of the emotional hazards of marital adjustment?

·          Do you suggest strategies to solve your clients\' marital problems?

·          How much do you charge?

·          Are your services covered by my health insurance?

·          Where is your office? What are your hours?

·          How long is each session? How often are sessions scheduled?

·          How many sessions should I expect to have? What is your policy on canceled sessions?

·          How can I contact you if I have an emergency?

In addition, a marriage counsellor should always be trustworthy. There is no point in having a counsellor who encourages feelings of suspicion. One should feel comfortable with the counsellor.