Infidelity accounts for more than 32% of divorces. Infidelity can occur on part of the female or the male partner. But research suggests that men are more prone to extra-marital relationships.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = \"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office\" />

What is Infidelity?

According to the European Psychological Society, infidelity is the pleasure pursuit of sexual intimacy outside the societal official bond of marriage. It is an extra-marital affair souring the marriage contract. It occurs when an individual seeks sexual romantic intimacy with a third external party not privy to the marriage.

Reasons for Occurrence

Personality Gene Difference: Psychology and biology state that men and women have different personality constitutions and genes. Psychologists, right from Allport in the 1970s, have argued that men are selfish and egocentric in nature. Their personalities and genes incline them towards such behaviour. They give more importance to individual pleasures than familial responsibilities.

Thus, men are unable to adjust with changing marital love. They demand and expect same sexual love experienced early in marriage. They do not understand that marital circumstances change with time. Birth of children, change of residence and work may shift priorities. Marital love may change from sexual intimacy to friendship and trust.

Men fail to grasp this point. They seek sexual intimacy outside the marriage. They tend to indulge in extra-marital affairs. For them fulfillment of sexual pleasures is more important than preserving familial trust. Women, on the other hand, change in their attitude and focus with time. They accept changes and growth. They realise that marital love has changed. Family responsibilities have added pressure. New obligations have shifted family and individual focus. They tend to give more weightage to family responsibilities and goals.

The Family Solicitors of London state that infidelity is more common among men than women. Women are sensitive. Even if they do stray for a while, they always shake it off. Comparatively men have a low threshold of guilt. This makes it possible for them to indulge in extra-marital affairs for a long time.

Reactions to Infidelity

Marriage counselors state that men are easily able to forgive extra-marital affairs. Survey results showed that on an average 9% men forgave wayward partners. This percentage was high compared to 0% among women. This merely shows that wives do not forgive extra-marital affairs. In fact they opt for the final solution of divorce.

Men tend to understand the cause of extra-marital behavoiur. They sympathise with the wife and tend to forgive her. Women do not understand the basic root of the extra-marital relationship. They tend to question the male personality. They hold that if they can prioritise family pleasures over individual pleasures, why can\'t men?

There is no satisfactory answer. The only reasoning is that men have been structured thus. They will never change. Their personalities and genes won\'t let them change their attitude and perspective.

Who Forgives Infidelity More Easily

Women never forgive extra-marital behaviour. They always head for the divorce court. Marriage counsellors argue that wives want to make the male partners suffer. They tend to engage in bitter divorce trials. Thus, forgiveness is a divided issue. Men forgive and are able to move on. They don’t mind the wife indulging in an extra-marital affair again. Their attitude is of acceptance. They understand because they tend to lean towards such behaviour themselves.

Women set high behavioural standards. They tend to walk the line. They never allow themselves to forget that they have family responsibilities. They may forgive with certain restrictive conditions. Marriage counsellors argue that women always think about the future. Extra-marital behaviour of husband comes as a shocking blow. They usually cry, feel depressed and guilty over a period of time. But hurt and anger replace the guilt of having pushed the partner towards extra-marital affair. They want to destroy their male spouse. They go about doing this methodically.

·          Garner family support

·          Divorce or separate child from father

·          Ensure that all financial assets are transferred to her

·          Matrimonial home passes into her possession

Infidelity breaks her trust. It shatters her self-esteem leaving her vulnerable. Forgiving the husband is subjective. It is dependent on her perspective. After all, there is no guarantee that the husband won\'t engage in extra-marital behaviour again?

Hence, the root of such behaviour has to be tackled. Superficial marriage ciounselling is of no use. Intensive behaviour therapy has to be introduced. The husband has to be made to realise that such behaviour is unacceptable. He has to give prime importance to his family needs and pleasures.